Fix Your Gallbladder!

Someone just left a comment that he or she had read the definitive book on liver flushes.  It was in response to my post on Mountain Dew Gallbladders.  I can’t imagine why anyone would flush his liver, much less read about doing so!   But it got me thinking about the time I took a friend’s advice  to cleanse my gallbladder.  Maybe she had been reading the same book.  She’s fortunate I didn’t flush the friendship.

I had been having some pain that ominously hinted of gallbladder trouble.  My devoted buddy told me about a “treatment” to get rid of and/or prevent gallstones.  She swore she did it annually.  I think she lied! 

Her cure  involved drinking a mixture of 1/2 cup olive oil and 1/2 cup lemon juice.  Pour it down the hatch, and in the morning you feel wonderful.  I decided to be conservative and drink half the prescribed amount.  It took some doing to get that far.  This concoction does not taste like Gatorade or Starbucks special blend.

I just about upchucked on the spot.  “Mind over matter,” I told myself, while attempting to force my stomach to retain its goods.  Believe me, there was a titanic battle between my mind and the matter for the next hour or two. 

Shortly after I retired for the evening, stabbing abdominal pains set in.  I thought I was going to die, or at the very least be forced to visit the emergency room and ‘fess up to what I’d done.  I had visions of the ER folks employing gastrointestinal roto-rooters to save my life and the insurance company refusing to pay for my rescue from self-mutilation.

Eventually the pain stopped, I fell asleep, and was relieved to wake up the next morning in the same realm I had dozed off in.  I want to see heaven — just not quite yet.

My friend received a bright-and-early phone call that I can only hope got her out of bed.  I hotly suggested that she keep her home remedies to herself in the future.  She was unsympathetic — said it helped her, and she had never experienced the drastic symptoms to which I was testifying.  She dropped the names of a few famous people who all use the treatment.  Good for them!

We have a forty-year friendship, and it has survived.  Yes, I forgave her.  But shhh!  Don’t tell!  I’ve never had the gallbladder issues since.

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