Anybody Not Joined Facebook Yet?

I have finally broken down and done what the whole rest of the world had accomplished before me: I have joined Facebook.

My married daughter assured me that it was a must-do.  Only people who live in caves and draw bison on the walls are not on Facebook.  In fact, Facebook has provided an outlet for people who prefer to stay in caves and draw on walls — or people whose mothers  never succeeded in teaching them not to do murals there.  They actually encourage folks to scribble on other people’s walls.  The polite thing to do is not get mad, but get even.  When someone writes on your wall, you just go write on his.  It is hard for me to get used to.  My mother taught  me well.  One episode of Mom skillfully applying a stirring spoon to my behind taught me that crayon masterpieces do not belong on walls.  But times have changed. 

I have noticed that Facebook people are not very literary.  They don’t write or read blog posts.  If you want to know what’s happening in your friends’ lives you have to look at the latest 1,000 pictures they have uploaded and try to guess from those what is happening.  I think it is the modern version of charades.  I have come to a conclusion: everyone but me spends 70% of their time taking pictures of themselves.  How many pictures of the same face can we all endure every forty-eight hours?  But then, that is why we call it Facebook, isn’t it.  The other 30% of a Facebooker’s day is spent equally divided between

1.)  Commenting on everyone else’s pictures,
2.)  Joining this and that fan club or group and trying to get everyone else to do likewise, and
3.)  Letting the world know what one is doing moment-by-moment throughout the day. 

It is Point #3 which I would like to discuss next.  Hardly any of my Facebook friends do interesting things throughout their day.  “Sheba is tired and going to bed.”  “Rodney is eating toast.”  “Dobey is backing his car out of the driveway.”  It is enough to make me post, “Lee Ann is dying of ennui, due to the boring lives of her Facebook friends.”  However, my life is far more interesting than that, so I will break out of the mold and shock Facebook by letting all my cyber friends into my hitherto private world of adventure.  Allow me to give you a preview.

Lee Ann is:

… butchering the hogs right now.  Y’all come on over for headcheese.
… bandaging her toes after dropping a world-record-size eggplant on them.
… reading The Adventures of Richard Hannay for the tenth time.  Who knew WWI could be so much fun?
… stowing away on a steamer for Antarctica.
… heading up the George Barna research team on how many preterists also belong to the Flat Earth Society.
… out of wind from chasing her pet turtle down the street.  Either they move faster than they are given credit for, or Lee Ann needs a date with a treadmill.
… crock pot cooking the penguins she secured in Antarctica. (And the eggs make good omelets.)
… scraping half-cooked Skookie dough off the front of her (once) immaculate white bathrobe.
… wondering why there is an ambulance outside and two men with a stretcher and a straitjacket coming to her front door.  (What has the retired mailman done this time?)

You get the idea.


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  1. […] curly brown hair 2 do this, so it’s kinda like a ‘gift from god’ if ur able to pull it off Anybody Not Joined Facebook Yet? – 01/27/2009 LeeAnnRubsam.comI have finally broken down and done what […]


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