A Night on the Town


We went to the local Christian coffee shop last night for a bit. My husband wanted to go. I said, “Maybe we shouldn’t go on a Friday. They’ll have live music and it will be hard to talk.” You’re not going to believe this, but this was part of the attraction. He was planning on having a band handy so that when he got tired of talking (five minutes into the conversation) he wouldn’t have to share the innermost recesses of his heart. It was the safety valve he had in mind! He gets nervous if he thinks I might delve into what is ticking inside. I’m just warming up, and he’s ready to shut down! Isn’t this lovely?

We got there, and were told the band was going to be playing in the downstairs room to the right. I suggested we go upstairs for a little peace and quiet.

“But I want to hear the band when they get going.”

“Honey, trust me. We’ll hear the band when they get going.”

We heard the band when they got going. They just about blew the windows out. Somebody opened the front door to ease the pressure. They kept the door between the right and left halves of the downstairs closed. We could talk by mild shouting when the door was closed. However, someone opened it to go in or out every five minutes or less. We could not talk by mild shouting when the door was open. It was good for a few funny comments. We waxed witty at times.

The lead “singer” kept yelling “AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH” in an evil-sounding way into the mike. “AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH” was the lyrics, I guess. Imagine Darth Vader barfing into a microphone. This will give you a pretty good idea of how it sounded.

We decided to leave. We chatted briefly with the counter person as we were leaving. He said it was the first time they had had a “melodic” band in. We looked mystified, and my husband asked what a melodic band was. The guy explained it was another term for hard-core rock. Oh. I thought “melodic” was Lullabye, and Good Night, done by Bing Crosby or Lawrence Welk.

There were three middle-aged people downstairs in the non-band room. One of them was holding her hands over her ears with a painful expression on her face. I suspect they probably left shortly after us. There were older people on the outside of the building, peering in, with amused faces. They smiled at us and shook their heads. I peered in also, to see what Darth Vader looked like.

The band’s appearance was not all that remarkable. Two guys and three girls in T-shirts and jeans. Hubby says it was one guy and four girls. I’m not sure which of us needs the eye exam. Anyway, Darth Vader looked like he was doing just what I had expected from the sounds I had heard upstairs. No, not barfing into the microphone–just yelling. No words, just “AAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!” Uh-huh. Melodic. I see. Christian lyrics and all that.

We walked up and down the Avenue, and in the process ran into some former church acquaintances and had some friendly chit-chat. They had intended to go to the Christian coffee shop that evening, but didn’t want to hear anything melodic, so they had settled for a different coffee shop. I barely know these people, but of course I had to embarrass my husband by telling them about Darth Vader barfing, and that melodic does not mean Bing Crosby. I think their endorphins are still in overdrive. Their sides will hurt for a week. Just remember, laughter does good like a medicine. Healthiest people in town now, they are.



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