More Weird Search Terms
May 9, 2008
I think I am going to regularly collect weird search terms from my blog stats. They are just too much fun to pass up. If you have odd questions, I’ve got the answers right here! (Wikipedia, eat your heart out!)
1.) “How do they do a lobotomy?” — I’m assuming this is from neither a medical student looking for help on his finals, nor Dr. Frankenstein’s faithful assistant. It’s probably someone who just landed a managerial position with the U.S. Postal Service. Part of his job description is to do “the operation” on all new supervisors. I discussed “the operation” in a previous blog, Regulations, Bean Counters, and Lobotomies. Happy brain dissecting!
2.) “What are retirement dinners?” — What do you think this blog is, the web home of Jeopardy? Retirement dinners are the backyard cookouts that add the final perfecting touch to an afternoon get-together of bubbas who are bonding by outfitting their pickup trucks with monster-size retreads. If you do it in a group it’s a lot more fun. Honestly! I thought everyone knew that!
3.) “Prayers for doubt and confusion” — All I can say is, I wouldn’t pray for that. If you want doubt and confusion, be my guest and go ahead and ask for it.
4.) “Mountain Dew gallbladder” — Which puts many ??? in my think-tank. Is this a new song title, like Foggy Mountain Breakdown? I like Flatt and Scruggs, and I like Foggy Mountain Breakdown, but somehow I don’t think Mountain Dew Gallbladder is going to make it.
And if we’re really talking about gallbladders, is a Mountain Dew gallbladder one on hyper-overload? What does a Mountain Dew gallbladder look like? Is it greenish-yellow? For that matter, what color is a regular gallbladder? I don’t think I really want to know — but somebody does.
5.) “Chicago Cubs bubbler” — Let’s get this straight: bubblers reside in Wisconsin, while Chicago Cubs only visit Wisconsin occasionally to humble the Brewers. Do you want a Chicago Cubs bubbler? You can probably get it at eBay. But then, there’s always the risk of 169,543 other people wanting one at the same time, and the auction spirit will drive all reason out of your noggin, and the price will go up to $997.01. You will be riding high on the euphoria of your victory and will be so indiscreet as to tell your missus, who will shriek, “Honey, what have you done??!! Now we’ll have to eat dandelion greens all summer, because you’ve spent the family fortune on a sports bubbler!” I’d say the cheapest way out of a tragedy is to just buy a plain old white one at a resale shop and plaster Cubs decals all over it.
May 9, 2008 at 1:15 pm
A Mountain Dew gallbladder… if their ads are to be believed must be some sort of “EXTREME!!!” bile collection device.
May 9, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I am the ‘feeling lucky’ hit for “mild bagel” on a good day. So I know how you feel about Mountain Dew Gallbladder. You must be very proud.
Joe